I want to be a better muslimah. The word 'better' always comes to my mind and as a matter of fact, to be a better person is really hard. Damn hard actually. Why is it hard? Why I can't do this? Why am I being like this? What should I do? The questions will keep lingering in my mind.
Can you explain briefly to me what is actually the definition of 'baik'?
Baik tu apa?
People will come out with so many opinions and definition about it. For some people "sesiapa yang beriman dengan Allah tu 'baik'".
Okay, stop there!
Beriman dengan Allah? Hmmm...
Beriman dengan Allah itu macam mana??
See? That's why I cannot define 'baik'. In other words, when I found the answer, another question will pop into my mind. Its so confusing. Till then, I am now in the middle of searching the definition of 'baik'. I know it sounds crazy to do this but if I didn't do it, who else would be? How am I going to keep up my life if I don't know the 'baik' definition precisely? I want to help myself to be a better person and better muslimah. So, I got to do it right?
Let see, if a girl or women who wear a hijab but do not perform their prayers. Baik ke? Or they fully perform their prayers but do not wear a hijab. Baik juga ke?
As for a boy or men, if everyday they recite al-Quran but when it comes to a football, they wear shorts until their knees can be seen. Baik ke? Or they fully perform their prayers but do inappropriate romantic entanglements with their opposite sex. Is it baik?
Think people. Think!
As for me, as long as I do not fully embrace Islam, tak cukup baiklah kiranya. It's about go in Islam thoroughly, then THAT is 'baik'. That is my definition for NOW and still I also not that 'baik' enough but I am still trying to aim it in my life. Just remember, that Allah s.w.t want to see our effort and not the result.
Changing for good is not a crime. I just need to try my best to be in that way. There's a quote says 'You'll never reach perfection because there's always room for improvement'. Yet, along the way to perfection, I'll learn to get better. People go for perfection is obviously for self satisfaction right? If i do it to please everybody else but not myself, what's the point then? I hope fate fares me well. Amin.
Everybody passes numerous paths along the road of life. There's always a dilemma when it come to choosing. You want to be just 'baik' or better 'baik' or just stay as what you are in your life? It's your call. So make up your decision as long as you are still in this world.
p/s Hlovate says 'bukan mudah untuk berubah dari tanpa arah ke sejadah, dari tepi jalanan ke sujud menghadap Tuhan..'